


Alone On The Farm

by paupotter_4869



Series: The Most Important Thing. . . [27]
Category: The Last of Us (Video Games)
Genre: F/F, Father-Daughter Relationship, Forgiveness, Hope, Repair, Second Chances, fixing old mistakes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-08
Updated: 2021-01-08
Packaged: 2021-03-18 10:41:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,472
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28616754
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/paupotter_4869/pseuds/paupotter_4869
Summary: Encouraged by Alicia, Joel visits Ellie and Dina on the farm. However awkward and uncomfortable the situation is at the beginning, progress develops in the dead of night, and a small beacon of hope starts shining in Joel and Ellie's hearts.Otherwise titled "Second Chances."Last installment of this series :)
Relationships: Dina/Ellie (The Last of Us), Ellie & Joel (The Last of Us)
Series: The Most Important Thing. . . [27]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2033674
Comments: 8
Kudos: 25





	Alone On The Farm

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own anything. All credit to Naughty Dogs. Enjoy !

“Good boy, we’re nearly finished,” Dina praised, leaning to clean Dove’s hoove. 

Another horse whined nearby and Dina straightened, wiping the sweat off her brow. She checked that her gun hadn’t vanished into thin air while she worked and breathed easily feeling the pistol on the holster. No traps had been set off, which certainly diminished the possibilities of it being a threat, but still, one could never be too cautious in this world. She breathed a little easier knowing Ellie was in the house and would, if necessary, protect the kid with her own life. 

She came out of the barn, one hand raised, shielding her eyes against the sun. She relaxed and smiled broadly upon seeing Joel walk up the road, holding onto Dove’s reigns. 

“Joel!” Dina greeted, waving her arms so he’d see her. She’d also raised her voice so Ellie would realize they had a guest. . . And prepare herself for it. She’d never forbidden Joel from coming by, and yet, no further than three days ago she’d muttered something along the lines she didn’t want to see that liar swine again. 

“Afternoon,” Joel greeted back. 

“You came,” Dina said, inviting him into the premises. 

“I hope it's alright?” he asked in a whisper, expressing his fears now that Ellie wasn’t yet nearby. He was relieved, too, upon having met Dina first—afraid that Ellie might have thrown him out of the house without giving Dina any explanations whatsoever.

“Sure, it is. Take Pilgrim to the barn to let him rest for a bit,” Dina instructed, raising her voice to a normal volume again. “It’s so nice to see you again! How’re things back in Jackson?”

Slightly nervous, Dina showed Joel around the farm and the barn, where they left Goliath inside one of the stalls, with plenty of food and water for him. Joel commented in genuine appreciation that Dina and Ellie seemed to be doing just fine out there. Back in Jackson, the two girls did learn a lot about how to run a sustainable, and above all safe, farm on their own, so she promised they were doing alright. He already knew they could handle any Infected who dared to come their way, and now, he could see they were handling everything else marvelously. At the very least, the trip would be successful in one regard: promising Dina’s mother that the two girls were doing just fine. 

“This is for you,” he said, handing Dina the rabbit he’d hunted this morning. “Caught it in the way in—figured I shouldn’t come with empty hands.” 

“Oh, thank you! Isn’t this nice, Ellie?” she said, raising her voice and looking past Joel. 

Ellie had finally decided to show up, although she couldn’t muster the same excitement as Dina did over a dead rabbit. Her hair was damp, although Dina was wise enough not to mention Ellie hadn’t taken a shower when Joel had gotten there. She needed the extra time so she could try and behave moderately pleasantly towards Joel. 

Still, Ellie could hardly hide the grimace on her face when she saw Joel again. As much as his face lit up when he saw Ellie, hers had darkened proportionately, as well. 

“Hey,” she said, hesitating just a little bit at the barn’s threshold. 

“Howdy,” Joel said, bowing his head in the form of hello. 

An unpleasant silence fell upon them, the first of many, the three people feared. Dina cleared her throat and waved toward the exit. 

“Come into the house, you need to rest, too. There’s freshwater for you. . . And someone else you need to meet, also. Speaking of children, how’s little Sammy? You wouldn’t happen to have any pictures of her, would you?” 

“Afraid I don’t. I’ll bring some the next time.” 

They walked up to the house in the midst of awkward silence, as Dina walked first, giving Elie and Joel some time to figure out what the hell they wanted to tell each other. However, not even a single pleasantry came to their minds. What it seemed like a long time ago, Ellie had promised she’d make an effort with Joel if he ever came by the farm—however, right now, she couldn’t find it in her heart to fulfill the said promise. 

Thankfully, seeing how terribly they’d fended off by themselves, Dina took it upon herself to save the day by filling the silence with endless chatter. The similarities between her and Ellie’s jabber when she and Joel first met didn’t escape anyone, although no one could find the comparison funny at all. Those were simpler times they’d all would pay to go back to if possible. 

“How was the trip, Joel? No troubles getting here, I hope?” 

“Met some Infected along the way, nothing too worrisome,” said Joel. “Actually, had a little bit more trouble not losing my head off with all of your traps. You’ve got a nice set-up here, I reckon.” 

“Learned a lot from your friend Billy,” chuckled Ellie. 

The whole surrounding area was, in fact, boobytrapped in varying and ingenious ways. Indeed, he had nothing but praise for Dina and Ellie’s precautionary measures that would effectively get rid of any troublesome Infected and alert them well in advance of any threats nearby. 

“Oh, and this here is JJ,” said Dina. 

The baby cooed delightfully when his mother took him out of his chair and tickled his belly, although all traces of good humor vanished as soon as the baby got sight of Joel. Even before the man had tried to take JJ in his arms, the baby started crawling his eyes out and wouldn’t stop until he was again safe and sound onto his mother’s arms. 

“Must have thought I was the bogeyman,” Joel chuckled while Dina soothed JJ down. 

“No, he didn’t,” said Dina. “He’s just never met you, I’m sure he’ll love you, in time.”

Someone could have mentioned that JJ was the second person in the household to react so poorly upon Joel’s presence in the house, or also, the second person who needed some time and space to grow fond of Joel. They all bit their tongues before such a choiceful remark escaped their mouths. It would have been an open invitation for Joel to leave the farm once and for all and return nine months later. 

Dinner and subsequent conversation developed thanks to the continued and exhausting efforts of Joel and Dina, catching each other up. Joel told them all the news about Jackson and their former friends and neighbors, whereas Dina offered Joel all the details and tidbits about their life out there on the farm, proving they were doing alright, indeed. They hadn’t run into any Bloaters they couldn’t handle. They looked healthy and relatively happy, lest for Joel’s presence there. 

However, despite the turntable and the guitars lying there, so close, there was no music involved throughout dinner. They were clearly not yet there, although Joel missed playing and singing with Ellie so much. One word with her and he’d play whatever the hell she wanted him to. 

“It’s getting pretty late,” Ellie said when Dina threatened to offer some drinks. “Perhaps you should be on your way, Joel.” 

“Nonsense. The man has been two days on the road! He is going to stay for the night,” Dina replied before Joel could say a word—for she knew he would, no doubt, agree with Ellie and be on his way back to Jackson in the middle of the night. No matter how bad things had gotten between him and Ellie, she wasn’t going to allow Joel to risk his neck like that. “There’s a spare room ready upstairs. Make yourself comfortable.” 

“Thanks,” he accepted hastily without exchanging one look with Ellie, knowing what he'd read in her eyes. 

He jumped off his chair to clear his dishes, bid them all goodnight, and then headed upstairs, locking himself in the spare bedroom Dina had shown him earlier. Leaning against the door, which constituted the first wall he could erect between him and Ellie’s permanent sour glare, he took a moment until his heartbeat slowed down. 

Taking off his boots, he left himself drop on the bed. His heart ached for the sole reason that he hadn’t had the luxury of exchanging any meaningful words with Ellie throughout the entire afternoon. It seemed his trip had been utterly useless and a waste of time for everybody. 

Out of his window, he could see the barn where Goliath, unaware of the emotional struggles the humans were going through, was resting after the two-day trip. Joel muttered under his breath that he would love to go down there, saddle Goliath again, and be on their way already. However, he knew he had to stay and try talking to Ellie again in the morning. Not to mention, fleeing in the middle of the night would be horribly rude to both girls, especially Dina, who’d tried so hard all damn afternoon for his and Ellie’s sake. 

Speaking of them, he could hear them talking downstairs—arguing, really. He couldn’t make out their words from where he was standing, they were trying to keep their voices low, but he didn’t need to understand them. The bottom line was obvious. They, too, considered his visit had been a horrible mistake. 

He turned off his light and laid in bed, counting the seconds passing. He didn’t want to make things any harder than they needed to be and, by the time Dina and Ellie came upstairs and walked past his room towards the master bedroom, they figured he was asleep. He made no attempts to correct their assumption. 

There was no doubt in his mind sleep would be an impossible feat tonight. Even though the bed was quite comfortable, even though over the years he’d willed himself to sleep in the most bizarre and awkward of places, Joel knew from the beginning he wouldn’t be able to scrape even an hour of sleep up there. And after a couple of hours of tossing and turning uselessly, he surrendered to the inevitability. He’d sleep when he’d returned to Jackson. 

He got out of bed and silently got out of the house. Only too late did he realize the risks he’d taken by moving around the house in the middle of the night—had Ellie or Dina woken up and thought he was a trespasser or an Infected, he could have ended up with a bullet between his eyes. Not the results he’d hoped to get with this visit. 

What made rest and calmness so impossible was being here—being here under such awkward and unimaginable circumstances. It was clear he was not welcomed. Ellie hadn’t yet forgiven him, she didn’t want to have anything to do with him, she wanted him out of her home, the home she’d built with Dina after realizing living in Jackson with him as a neighbor wasn’t feasible. She wanted him out of her sight and, hadn’t it been for Dina’s kind intervention, she would have thrown him out of the farm herself.

Outside, under the moonlight, he felt a little bit better, as he so usually did out in the open fields, no barriers, no fences. The cold breeze helped, too, and he breathed in and out deeply for the first time since he’d gotten there. He paced around a little bit, trying to shrug off the unease, and since his feet walked him over to the barn, he decided to check on Goliath. 

The horses were restful and he quickly got away before he disrupted their sleep, too. He went back out to the fields, without leaving the farm and risking setting off the dozens of traps set. He sat down on the grass, legs bent, and lied on his back. 

There were so many stars he could see with the naked eye, it was impressive. He didn’t bother to stay up till late and stargaze or to enjoy the small things life had to offer as he did with Ellie from time to time. As livid and joyful as he lived life when Ellie was in it, his existence had now become boring, dull, numb, passionless. 

Ellie, with her vast knowledge of the universe and space and whatnot, could probably name the constellations visible from there, but Joel couldn’t remember a single one. He entertained himself by connecting the stars with random patterns and creating images in his head. One arm stretched to the sky, as if he wished against reason to reach those stars, he pictured a lollipop, then a coffee mug, then a horse, then. . . 

The door behind him slammed shut and he sat up straight, concerned he’d been caught doing something array. He saw Ellie coming out of the house, a blanket over her arm, and watched her movements, half expecting her to miss him sitting there and returning to the house without sparing him a look or a word. 

Contrary to his fears, she headed straight towards him. Although her face was perfectly visible in the moonlight, Joel could not read the indescribable expression he saw. She stopped some feet from him and offered him the blanket she was carrying. It wasn’t until then that Joel realized how cold he was. Still, with Ellie there, he couldn’t bring himself to unfold the blanket and cover himself in it, which lay on his lap. 

Since Ellie showed no signs of leaving, although she didn’t sit down on the ground, either, Joel looked back up to the sky. Nervous as he was upon being so close to Ellie again, he couldn’t have found the freaking moon this time around. 

And then, against all odds, Ellie sat down beside Joel, not as far apart as he’d thought she would. 

“That’s Hercules, you know,” she said, looking at the sky. 

“Where?” 

She raised her arm in turn and pointed out the constellation, which to Joel resembled nothing more than a simple square and some more lines sprouting out of the edges. He kept the observation to himself as Ellie dropped her arm and hugged her legs, trying to preserve body warmth. If he didn’t know she’d reject him, Joel would move closer and throw the blanket over both their shoulders. 

“So. . . You came,” she said after a while, in a deep sigh. 

The obvious remark would have made Joel snort and guffaw nine months prior. Now, it was only a stab in the heart for him. 

“I know. I shouldn’t have,” he whispered. 

“That’s not what I’m saying,” she said, with a vehemence that made Joel’s head spin. She refused to meet his eye and Joel couldn’t tell if she was mad, or forlorn, or merely teasing him. “I’m not entirely sure of what I want, though.” 

Joel nodded—he could understand that much. Time was the main and primary solution to the equation, after all. Time to figure out what they needed, time to forgive, time to mend, time to repair the bridges. He could give her that much. 

“You’re such an asshole, Joel,” she exploded. 

“I’m not trying to—”

“I was supposed to die in that hospital. My life would have fucking mattered. But you took that from me.” 

He remained silent for a few seconds, trying to figure out if Ellie had any more accusations to make and how to respond to the ones she’d already thrown at him. Clasping his hands, Joel turned towards Ellie. 

“If somehow the Lord gave me a second chance at that moment. . . I would do it all over again,” he said with confidence and certainty for the first time in so long. In the midst of this turmoil, there was one thing he knew for certain. He didn’t regret saving Ellie, no matter how much his actions had hurt her. He already knew they were never going to see eye to eye on this argument. 

Giving her time to ponder his words, Joel leaned back on his knees, looking up at the sky. He hoped Ellie could understand. Her sole purpose in life was not saving humankind. She was only a girl and deserved to live her life. There was an argument to be made that humankind didn’t deserve that kind of sacrifice—would she truly give her life for those bastard monsters who tried to kill her? They weren’t Infected, they were simply deranged. 

“Yeah. . .” she sighed after the longest time. “I just. . . I don’t think I can ever forgive you for that.” 

Trying to control his breathing and not to crumble in front of Ellie, Joel sighed, caressing his hands in an attempt to analyze his inner thoughts and despair. Those were harsh words to listen to, especially when he’d feared that possibility for so damned long. His priorities were to keep Ellie safe and alive. If she couldn’t forgive him for that, well. . . 

Right and wrong stopped having any sort of meaning to Joel a long time ago. In the world they lived in, it was all about surviving. Survival of the fittest--every man by himself. One person’s good deeds could be another person’s nightmares and Joel had made peace with that. He knew there was no heaven for him, perhaps not even Hell. He was fine living his life one day at a time, left alone. 

When he met Ellie, the simple, cruel world he’d set for himself vanished. Nothing made sense anymore, his priorities got sorted out by themselves without him knowing it. Right and wrong revolved all-around Ellie, now: whether she was happy, whether she was hurt, whether she was alive. The world got simpler, yet terrifyingly harder. 

“But I would like to try,” Ellie added then, almost a question. 

He heard in her voice the same suffering and affliction he felt in his heart every day: for all the lies, for being alone, for the time they’d let slip and would never get back. He looked up at her a broken man holding onto those words like a liferaft. 

“I’d like that,” he whispered, an answer to the question she hadn’t really raised. 

After some more seconds, Ellie stood. It wasn’t like before, Joel didn’t feel as if he were losing Ellie all over again—quite the opposite, really. That was the first, however painful, honest conversation they’d had in nine months. He shouldn’t have waited so long to take the first step and visit, he knew that now. 

“I’ll see you in the morning.” 

“Yep,” he said, his voice breaking. He sniffled and closed his eyes, letting Ellie go back into the house. He was happy and proud. So much had changed throughout that conversation. No doubt, they’d need to talk at greater length in the future, throw more accusations at each other, fight, maybe even cry some more, but without a doubt, they’d reached a milestone here. 

In the morning, he realized maybe Dina had nudged Ellie out of the house for their little late-night chitchat. He didn’t care if that was the case, though. He was leaving the farm with high spirits, and not only because JJ hadn’t cried upon seeing his face again in the light of day. 

“Don’t give up on Ellie,” Dina whispered while Joel was saddling Goliath. “Come again soon and keep trying. She’s just a stubborn person, sometimes.” 

“Yeah, tell me something I _don’t_ know,” Joel chuckled. 

They got out of the barn and met with Ellie at the perimeter of the farm. Joel hugged Dina, thanked her for dinner and everything else, promised to get the word around that they were doing just fine on their own, and vowed to visit soon. He then moved on to hug JJ, who seemed to have changed his mind concerning Joel overnight, as well. 

“Could you do me a favor?” Dina begged him finally. “Lie to my Mom if necessary, but tell her we’re alright out here on our own.” 

“I ain’t lying,” Joel replied, making Dina frown for a second there. “There’s no need. From what I've seen, you are doing just fine out here, kiddo. I'm confident you don't need a babysitter.” 

“Thanks.” 

Last but not least, there was Ellie. She was as nervous and uncomfortable as the prior day, but Joel wasn’t worried. He knew she needed some more time, but he’d gotten a glimpse of the light after the tunnel. That was more than he’d hoped for with his visit, even if she now refused to meet his eye, or hug him. 

She got the door for him and Goliath and patted the horse’s crin. She was still looking at the horse as she addressed her final words at Joel, leaving the man to wonder who she was talking to, exactly. 

“Be careful out there.” 

“Always am,” he nodded, mounting Goliath. “Take care, kiddo.”

**Author's Note:**

> This is where the series ends and I don't think I'm going to write anything more. I just wanted to repair one of the second game's biggest mistakes: leaving the door open for Joel & Ellie to reconcile despite all the baggage they carry. 
> 
> Thank you all for the support !


End file.
